It comes and goes and is usually a fear and can last from a split second to years!
One I had decades ago was the feeling I was being watched. It got to where it became overwhelming. I kept reminding myself it wasn’t happening, I am a nobody and no one cares about me, other than the usual lunatics. But it was getting worse. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to find a solution.
I decided not to do anything when I was alone that I wouldn’t do in a crowd. It worked.
Now looking at all the people getting caught in their “secret sin”. I am so glad I made that decision!
The most recent psychotic episode emerged after my next door neighbor told me a nice little story about the time she was standing at bus stop and some kid ran by and grabbed it.
This took on a life of its own.
I had just moved to Cleveland from a small town in PA. I was trying to get my daughter to come. She pointed out the crime rate. My self appointed best friend pointed out that my doctor was located in a bad part of town.
Born and raised in the suburbs, surrounded by small towns and “The Sticks”, besides a trip to Pittsburgh here and there and taking a course, I was a stranger to city life.
I began to wear ill-fitting clothes. That was the big outing with my elderly neighbor. We would remind each other starting two or three days before the monthly event. FREE clothes at the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
Someone gave me a pairof shoes they found in the garbage. They became my favorite shoes. When they fell apart I dreaded going back to tight sneakers. I will never understand buying a pair of shoes that costs hundreds of dollars!
Jewelry was kept out of sight. I would pull the arm of my shirt up to see my bracelet sparkle in the sun.
In a quiet moment I realized the amount of time and energy I put on looking like a homeless woman! I had to laugh. It was a process getting over that one. I still have a purse that straps on, but I never liked to be burdened with a purse anyway.