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A Note On Boundaries

I’ve been looking at a pattern I have and how to overcome it.

Instead of leaving myself open to snakes I need to change my boundary making practices.

I have no set boundaries for new people. I’m not assertive at all

I’m nonjudgmental so I overlook things, at first.

Humility is one of my strong points. I’m glad because it is a goal of mine. The thing is unhealthy people are drawn to me. I get all kinds!

•Use caution in friendship

My new strategies will focus on: 

  • Keeping my “private” time…not being available for someone else’s chaos. 
  • Watch the conversation. Steer away from the subject of absent parties negatively. Laugh, change the subject. Stay neutral.
  • Don’t feel as if they have to end the visit. I’m not obligated to entertain anyone! 
  • Don’t lend money (this should be obvious but…)

*The righteous are not subject to judgement, but must make many judgements

I’m going to list familiar types, their characteristics and how to deal with them in a way where we both benefit.

*As iron sharpens iron, one man can sharpen another.

~ Keep visits short ~

The Control Freak

(all of them have this annoying trait. Is control a trait?)

In the past my attitude was,”If you want control go for it” this is laziness on my part because the last thing I want to do is control any thing. Especially if it has to do with someone else. 

I used to sit back and not control anything! La la la whatever.

I don’t rate something’s (most things) as important contrary to the control freak who fully believes the world only revolves because they ARE. This is why they eventually get mad and quit speaking to me over something stupid. 

√ Women and men differ

You may find one good man out of thousands but not one woman

Women are emotional and often react based on a mood.

Men are often detached emotionally. Having sex out of marriage is the most common problem for this guy. This feeds into his subconscious, ” If she’ll do it with me… ” 

I no longer date just thought I’d throw that in there.

Women do devious things just because. They more often entertain the demons Jealously and Envy. The more devious they are the more insecure they are (they think plotting evil is universal).

Eventually even the worst psychopath learns to trust and to some degree. They associate good character with weakness and I end up a target.

Red Flags

  • Invading my space
  • Pointing out negative
  • Impulsive emotionally
  • Drug/alcohol
  • Struggling with the same issues for years
  • Always talks about their problems
  • I am their only friend and/or best friend

Invading my space-use statements like “I am not in the mood for company right now” “I hate to cut this short but…”

When they go negative try to steer the conversation toward something else ( ask a question about them should do the trick).

Emotionally impulsive people can be unpredictable. History repeats itself. What do they say about their friends and family?

Avoid people with drug and alcohol issues.

Distance myself from repeat offenders.

Strongly limit time a whiner. Limiting time won’t give them the chance to become my best friend.

Hypothetical situation:

Ball of negative emotions bangs on my door in another superficial crisis. I am working on Samiya’s YouTube channel and don’t really want compBoundaries:

A) Ignore it. They’ll go away.

B) Open the door, tell them it’s not a good time for me. 

I usually do A because I don’t like confrontation. 

ALTERATION: to establish clear boundaries I need to confront the situation with determination. Make my statement (repeatedly if necessary). 

Hypothetical situation:

A new religious group starts a Bible study at my house but I’m not sure I agree with some of their beliefs.

Do I:

A) Not answer the door and hope they lose my address

B) Tell them my honest opinion and see if there’s a happy medium

That really happened with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I chose

.. because nothing I say will sway them just like nothing they say will sway me.

I’ve found the Jehovah’s Witnesses back off when they realize I’m not the one

 

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