I’m emotionally unavailable.
It’s common to lack love in an alcoholic families.
Learning the reasons why I do what I do is easier than I thought. I don’t work on it every day.
Though I have bouts of emotion it was impulsive and I acted on whatever I was feeling.
I’ve learned to practice reasoning lol. FINALLY!
I had a great revelation about anxiety. Most (if not all) of my worries are born in my imagination.
So when I start thinking things that freak me out (to the point of a psychotic episode sometimes lasting years).
I remind myself that there are no facts to back up my thought pattern and I do something I like to do to put my fear out of the equation.
I think I do this to myself because growing up I knew there would inevitably be a problem no matter what I did.
I was accused of things I didn’t do. Some little thing could cause an explosion. It rarely coincided with my actions.
There are days I feel relief that they are dead and can’t torment me. Yet I’ve been tormenting myself by my thought processes.