The only stable thing in my life has been God. This was in a family that didn’t believe…at all!
I got saved when I was about seven. I went to church with some neighbors (who truly didn’t like me I was a hell child). At the end of the service, some guy started talking about having a relationship with God that I had always wanted to have with someone.
My sister remembers me asking who God’s mother was when I was really little.
So now I’m at the point my spirit is renewed often so call it psychotic ranting or spiritual awakening.
It was rocky but when I asked God to break me:
“And he who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; but on whomever it falls, it will scatter him like dust.” ~Matthew 21:44
I remember the day clearly that I stood at the stove blasting Amy Grant on the cassette player. I asked God to break me not lightly I asked with everything I had. Mind, Body, Spirit. I wasn’t aware just how hard it would be to “break“.
Shortly after I had my born again experience. During this experience, I don’t think I came out of my bedroom for anything but to go to the bathroom. I had given up on everything. It was the darkest time of my life.
During this, I wrote a book of poetry. It’s not all nice and sweet like the greeting cards.
God went back with me to the beginning of my life and as I wrote about the way I felt at the time He revealed why things had to be how they were.
That was about 20 years ago and I still haven’t looked at what I wrote. A lot of bad energy went into those writings.
I’ve written two books so far and I believe there will be a third one but until I revisit this last one I’m not going to be able to go forward.
I just read this book today:
Adult Children of Abusive Parents
I fit into so many of the roles it’s hard to see me as one so I started a journal
Some of the things I’ve realized and overcome but some of the stuff I had no idea about.
It warns that it can evoke strong emotion. I lived so much of my life impulsively spinning from emotion to emotion I’m glad that’s over with!
I’ll just take my time if I come to a rough place I’ll talk to my doctor about it.