I moved here a few years ago and have yet to meet someone that impresses in the slightest. Everyone I know lives 2 1/2 hours away. This isn’t far, but it might as well be light years because I never see, and hardly talk to anyone I used to know.
I don’t the feel I need (or desire) to have a whole lot of people around me. In fact, too many people get on my nerves.
I also attract the troubled and I don’t mind at all. I like helping people. But ten years (actually I let about two years go by before I put some space between us) later and you’re still fighting the same battles you’re wasting my time. Good-bye!
I have a pattern of external sources being chaotic and then I’ll have a time of great peace. I’ve learned to take these times of peace and prepare for the time of chaos.
Right now things are extremely peaceful but the few people in my life are basically toxic. I’ve been making assertive decisions and creating boundaries. I’ve limited my time with them. I let them visit me, I don’t visit them. I give reasons why they can’t stay (I have to go to the store or I’m going to bed or I don’t want company right now).
I hate to see someone involved in a vicious cycle, but I have to let go. I got mad one day and told this girl she was in a vicious cycle and she’d never get out. She replied in a weak, almost childlike voice, “I will get out…someday”. Yet she does nothing to better her situation in any way. She doesn’t work on any goals. Her focus in life is copping. Period. Cigarettes are a priority also. They no longer even bother to buy food at this point. They’ve even taken to stealing mine sad but true. This is desperation.
I should say them because there is actually three of them. I mostly talk to one of them, though. We’ve developed a friendship where she confides in me. We skirt around the true issues, though. When I talk to her about my concerns they’re swept away by shallow promises of a better tomorrow. I am confronted with small talk and then she has to go. She always promises to be back, but I wonder if someday she won’t be able to come back…
The other girl stole $50 from me and I let her have it. I told her exactly what I think of her! Not good but, at least, I was honest about my feelings which is more than she can say. She tried lying her way out of it like I’m stupid! She still wanted to be my friend after I said things like: “I think you should commit suicide because the world would bed a better place without you.” I pointed out how even her own mother hates her (which she does)). This is what I mean about people holding on to me for all they’re worth! She wasn’t about to let go I had to just come out and say I wanted nothing to do with her and I had to say it more than once or twice!
I shouldn’t have said all those mean things, but I did. Oh well. I don’t feel bad about it at all, but I know it’s wrong to treat someone like they are less than dirt.
It wasn’t the first time she stole from me I let it go twice before that. I should have been more prepared. I should have noticed the pattern and set boundaries up before it got to the point where I had to get mad. The upside though is that she completely leaves me alone. I barely even look at her and when I do it’s the look. I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her ever and lose my number. She has and it’s a relief! She was here 24/7 making herself quite at home with whatever of mine she wanted and I let her!
The mom of this outfit comes to visit me about once a day. She always has the same complaints and she always needs something. She’s turned out to be quite the borrower. She’s hooked up in the vicious cycle too because she gives them most of her money. Intending for them to shop and/or save it. Every month they spend it and don’t buy food. I’ve told her to do her own shopping and she refuses. I don’t get it. What is it about not buying food you’re not getting here? They are not going to miraculously start buying food. This woman has to travel on her mobilized chair early in the morning to get what she can from food banks. I personally would do my own grocery shopping. We no longer talk about her money or food (lack thereof).
I use the internet for different support needs:
- I have websites I go to for my spiritual needs. This process alone has a powerful effect on my plan to become whole. This is where I build my core.
- I love my Facebook friends! I don’t know what I’d do without them! That’s become my favorite social media site.
- I plan to use this blog as an outlet to my inner me. I’m going to be honest and open and most of all real! Transparent.
- If I need to understand something I use the internet to find answers. I have fun with research and I love to find answers so I can plan to do better.
I focus on self-help issues for myself and have a plan that takes up most of the day. I don’t have a lot of time for these toxic people. My time with them will have to get less and less. I’m not helping them and they can’t help me. I’d rather save up my time and direct it towards more positive things.
I’m pretty confident that this will all work out for the best.
Here’s my plan to stay self-motivated:
- First and foremost stay positive.
- Seek spirituality. Do devotions etc…to strengthen my core.
- Seek balance by continuing to work on different aspects of myself.
- Let go of toxic people no matter how bad I feel for them. I always have trouble with this one and it’s brought me down in the past. Devise a strategy to keep them distanced.
- Make small goals instead of huge steps so I don’t get overwhelmed.
- Predict my setbacks so I can be ready with plan B. My set back here is the time I give away for free. I have to redirect my energies and determine my steps to achieve freedom from toxic people. I will fall into talking to them out of loneliness. I’m going to have to make more friends online and maybe use Google Plus if necessary. Google+ has great support groups.
- Record results.
- Include break time in daily plan. Get up, walk. Do dishes. Clean something while listening to Charles Stanley.
- Reward myself. Give myself small rewards for reaching a goal.
- Don’t fear failure. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t beat myself up over mine.
- Only try to be better than the person I am today. Don’t worry about competitors at this point.
- Try to help one person every day.
This is my do-it-yourself list for the self-motivation in me! I’m going to write the plan to stay self-motivated on a post-it note and read it every day first thing. I’ll keep it right next to me.