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*True Confessions* My Biggest Fear

I have acquired a fear recently. I’d say it’s a few years old. I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s overwhelming at times.

My life revolves around this fear when I go out or plan to go out. It consumes me. I think of it constantly and plan my whole life around it!!

I’m totally free from the care of how I look which fits into my plan perfectly. I get all my clothes at a church that gives them away for free. I’ve let go of the vanity I used to have of coveting clothing. Clothes were a big deal to me at one time. I would save money and go to Gabe’s (a cheap store with designer clothes) just to get that pair of Guess jeans.

These days I couldn’t care less. I have absolutely no one I have to please and to tell the truth if they are so focused on how I look I can’t be bothered anyway. I like a little more depth to those I choose to surround myself with.

Anyway, when I pick out clothes I pick clothes that are too big so I look like I’m poor and no one will want to rob me. I have a pair of shoes that someone found in the garbage and gave me and I love them! They’re just a little too big so I can slip them on and off without having to worry about laces. I’ve never been fond of tying my shoes. I have a decent pair of shoes just in case, and one outfit that isn’t dumpy. When I walk in my favorite shoes I kind of have to shuffle. My feet slide in and out of them a little bit when I walk because they’re a little big. This only adds to my illusion making me look all the poorer! While keeping me all the safer!

I hide my jewelry within my ‘too big’ clothes. I sneak and slide my sleeve up to look at it glitter in the sunlight while I’m on the bus if no ones behind me that is. I only wear earrings if I’m going to a “safe” part of town. I have one ring I wear that looks as old as dirt. It’s silver and opal. It has all these nooks and cranny’s so it doesn’t come completely clean and looks cheap!

I am so afraid of someone stealing my purse and running away with it! I wear a strap-on purse that I fit over my body so it’s not so easy to get away from me. I hate it! It’s the ugliest purse I’ve ever owned, but it serves my purpose so I must wear it. I have two favorite purses that I will never use because I am obsessed with this major fear of being robbed!

Be honest what is your biggest fear???

 

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8 comments on “*True Confessions* My Biggest Fear

  1. Do you honestly fear of losing your belongings? Something that is easily replaceable? Think of your family and how life would be like without the people who love you for who you are. The people who held your hand when you were sick, scared, happy, and depressed. Are those clothes and materials really important to you? Clothes are just clothes that cover our nakedness. Family covers our heart with love. They heal the wounds on our bodies. They love us no matter what we do to them or others. My biggest fear is losing the people I love. I could not live with myself if I lost my family. I want to protect my family and most of my friends, the people that I call brothers and sisters.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh don’t get me wrong I totally love and appreciate my family as well as my health! I thank God for that so much!!

      It’s just that I keep everything in my purse. My Social Security Card, my insurance card and I can’t live without that because I take medication daily. I have my few pictures of my grandchildren in my purse and they mean so much to me! I don’t usually keep very much money in my purse. I’ve considered taking this stuff out…

      I don’t know maybe I’ve become shallow in my old age, but I really have this fear and no account of logical thinking makes it subside. It’s also the picture I have in my head of the possible violence that could occur. The devastating long-term effects all out attack would have. I have no time to go to the hospital.

      Well if the worst thing that ever happens to me is that I look like a vagrant because of some ridiculous insecurity I possess (probably stemming from the fact that I have to visit the Dr once a month and it’s in a bad part of town) than all in all I’m really pretty good 🙂

      After all I’m not bothering anyone but myself right?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand now why you fear losing your belongings. There are important memories that seem to liv in your purse. You are reaching out to people about your fears and that is outstanding honestly. People who are annoyed about your problems do not see the big picture that you are painting in them.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I should really pay more attention to detail and not leave it to the imagination.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Juni Desireé says:

    I’m not sure what my biggest fear is. There are emotional fears and physical ones. The biggest physical fear for me is heights though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes I have a lot of fears to be honest. It’s just that this fear consumes me!

      Like

      1. Juni Desireé says:

        I guess, a fear that might consume me is my form of social anxiety. It means I avoid certain situations so I don’t have to feel anxious about them.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t leave my house other than once a month to grocery shop and go to the Dr and I try to do it on the same day!

        I’ve just realized today that I may have some form of social anxiety!

        Like

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