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March 2018

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His name is Phil and he is 39 years old. His friend who was doing it too is 70! Phil got 14 years in prison and the old man got 15. Phil was the maintenance man for the building. His friend Julio did work here too. They would get the boys to help them all the time. They spent so much time together I did kind of wonder, but I was hoping for the best. Phil is the one with aids and he was having unprotected sex with these kids. The judge said he was like a one-man army against this poor child. All Phil could say was yeah.

I always thought Phil was such a nice guy. It just shows you can’t ever fully trust anyone. People usually let us down in one way or another sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. I’ve learned to overlook a whole lot of things! People with problems have always been drawn to me. I think it’s partly because of my humble nature and I will also take the time to try to help them come to some kind of resolution whatever their issue might be. But when years go by and they’re still dealing with the same problems it’s time to put some distance there. They seem to unravel before my very eyes and it only get worse instead of better like the proverbial downward spiral. It seems like they dwell on the negative going from one thing to another. It reminds me of water going down the toilet it gets faster and faster on it way to disappear. I’m only let myself waste so much time and energy to on irreverent matters! I’d rather be doing something productive!

And I don’t do the “best friend” thing. I’ve had people frequently call me their “best friend” only to screw me over in the long run …and over and over…If I let them I’m just as wrong. I’ve had to learn about creating boundaries the hard way! I call no one my “best friend” (although they’re usually self-absorbed and don’t notice). My most recent “best friend” was a real piece of work. Not only was I her “best friend” but I was her only friend! Do you know the responsibility that comes with being someone’s only friend? You are their complete and total focus because they have absolutely no one else in their life to divide the attention away from you. My sister asked me one time why I had all these friends, but I was their only friend. These types like to monopolize my time. I eventually just quit answering the door. I actually have another friend who knocks on my door five times a day and I have to ignore it. I’d never get anything done! She is also dealing with unresolved issues. I notice I’ll get a flurry of them then we’ll go our separate ways and I’ll get a break for a while and then I’ll get some new ones with new matters at hand never fails…I do wonder if I’ll ever actually help one of these people someday….

Anyway, Phil and Julio did work for me all the time he was always so nice and friendly. Julio one the other hand had communication issues because he was from Puerto Rico or somewhere. I was hoping Phil just took them under his wing because they had problems. The one kid couldn’t even talk right, besides having a speech impediment he made absolutely no sense. Timmy the other brother he was smarter. He even had a phone. He always talked to me and I really liked him. The slower one reminded me of my son. My son Christopher is slow and peed the bed till he was in his 20’s (I’m exaggerating, but it was a long time). Timmy and his brother lived right next door to Phil for a while and they drove him crazy! He was always complaining about them! Phil and Julio had a romantic relationship earlier in their lives. I think Phil was 19 when they got together. Looks like old Julio was into little boys then. I mean Phil is about 20 years younger than him. They took it down and notch and are now at the friend level. Julio had a car and they would go to the churches and eat the at the community meals. They’d all go out scavenging for things.

I guess the kids mentioned something about it to their aunt and she made them move to a nicer place closer to her. She didn’t want them around Phil and Julio. In the meantime, Julio was sneaking over there to see them and told them to keep it a secret but I guess they finally told the aunt everything and she went to the police.

It said in the article that they were giving the kids pizza and letting them take showers because the boys had no hot water. When they would be taking showers the guys were going in the bathroom and “touching” them inappropriately. The kids wrote letters and they read them in court saying how they felt dirty and couldn’t get clean. They seemed to have trouble making the distinction between friend and foe. The kids considered them friends so they didn’t understand why they were doing this. They didn’t trust their own judgment. They trusted that Phil and Julio were their friends and wouldn’t deliberately hurt them. I feel so bad for those kids. They weren’t the type of kids who were defiant or even rude they were just real nice kids. We’d see them at the community meals and I was always drawn to the one who couldn’t talk. He’d mumble something and Timmy would just laugh and wave him off.

This really hits home and I’m really getting emotional about it because when my oldest son, Freddy was in his 20’s he told me that when he and his brother Christopher were five and seven the babysitter was having sexual intercourse with them. I guess that’s what step daddy was doing to her at home. She was 15. This is all happening while I was working 16 hours a day as a waitress for my sister! It was hard work and I’d come home so tired. At the time, I had yet still another friend who wanted my complete attention. She would beg me to go out with her. So that’s even more time spent at the baby sitter’s. I had no idea I never even suspected a thing. I guess I just didn’t think people did things like that. I guess I was somewhat sheltered. My parents tried desperately to shield me from the ways of the world (of course their drinking and fighting were the normalities of life). I always was on the gullible side.

After Freddy told me about the abuse things started to fall into place. I had four kids at the time. I think the two younger ones were affected also, but they deny any memory of actual abuse. They’ve always had major problems. They acted out and got into trouble. They rode around in stolen cars and were drinking whiskey in their preadolescent years. My oldest daughter lost her virginity at 12! I was so upset about that because I had always warned them against haveing sex prematurely. I told them the things I had noticed about people who do and then experience controversy among other things. I could never understand why they made such bad choices. As easily as I’ll put an unhealthy person behind me I can’t do that with my kids. Before I learned of what took place I thought maybe it was a stage and they’d grow out of it.

If they would just have told me sooner I could have gotten them counseling or something but it was a big secret. Freddy told me he didn’t want to disappoint me because I was so persistent about them not have sex before they were fully developed emotionally. They never told me a thing until Freddy was in his 20’s he confessed that he thought he had a sexual addiction and couldn’t stay loyal to his girlfriend even though he loved her. When he told me the room just spun around, my blood went to my feet I was in shock I was so upset. As time has gone by he’s revealed more and more this has been an ongoing problem from a very young age. We lived in the projects and I guess there were a lot of pedophiles in the area. I’m originally from the suburbs. I grew up in Upper St Clair and hated it! I had a bully who hated me and got everyone to ridicule me! My school days definitely were not happy ones.

I was a single parent with four kids trying to make it. I worked my butt off for $2 an hour plus tips. My sister was too cheap to buy rugs that would provide some padding. When I’d wake up and put my feet on the floor they would hurt so bad it feel like pins and needles were circulating violently! On top of that my parents had just died a year and a half apart at the age of 66. I was only in my mid 20’s. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. For the first time in my life, I was so afraid I actually tasted the gall that rises in extreme distress.

So, of course, some  emotionally unstable man attached himself to me. I was at a vulnerable place and I met Tony Lett. The worst thing that EVER happened to me! I went through a period where I went from bad relationship to worse relationship. I eventually quit dating altogether. I do much better independently. Another one of my bipolar areas’s I had to learn to control.

I didn’t realize how evil and deceptive he was at first. He had to be with me every day. He had my car more than I did. Before I knew it I was married and pregnant and living in a trailer with going on five kids in a rural area where I never lived before. I was closed off from everyone. He forbid working and that was my life. Shortly after I got married my sister called me and asked me how does it feel to be grounded…for life? I was home all the time with my youngest daughter so she got to spend quality time with me that my prior children never got to experience. She has grown up to be totally opposite of what they are.

She’s my only child that graduated from high school outside of prison. She was a cheerleader and makes good choices in the company she keeps. She’s in a committed relationship (with a jail guard of all people!) that is actually healthy. They both work steady jobs and have for years. They are getting married next August. Her planning skills are awesome she has booked the hall and already bought the dress. Things are moving right along and smoothly.

She doesn’t depend on chaos and drama to keep her emotionally charged. She doesn’t have a problem with alcohol or choose to sell drugs to generate huge amounts of cash in a desperate attempt to make up for insecurities stemming from feelings of inferiority because of being treated as if they were expendable. This happening at such a young age affected them so profoundly because their moral judgments were complicated by evil influences. They were the helpless victims of evil people who possessed devious qualities. As a result, they endure noticeable hardships. What truly bothers me is that they create their own torment. They act out because of early experiences that happened while they were still forming their belief systems.

I feel so helpless. I’ve tried to explain moral principles and teach them how to handle situations appropriately. I took them to church when they were little. We prayed every morning and every night on our knees! We read the bible every night before bed. It was an easy reading book and we genuinely enjoyed our time together especially with everyone going off in different directions all day. I was emphatic about having family meetings every Saturday. The family meeting started during the day, we would talk about the things that went on  through in the week that bothered us about each other and external sources. We would use reasoning and put ourselves in another person’s shoes by listening to their side of the story. Realizing how the other person felt it became clear why they reacted adversely. I thought these discussions taught them to resolve issues by the way of understanding leading to a clearer comprehension.

I began our family meetings because I thought it was a good idea for us to have a day we spent together to touch base and see what had gone on with each other for the previous week. I’m not sure what provoked it, but they had become quite argumentative and there obvious contention in the home. I don’t know if there was more rivalry than other families because I didn’t grow up in the best of circumstances myself. My parents drank excessively and liked to party with their friends leaving me with the sisters from Hell! I was the youngest and defenseless to their terrors. My oldest sister was OK, but those other two well that another story. What I’m saying is it could have stemmed from previous traumatic experiences I’m not sure. That wasn’t my concern at the time. What bothered me was that it was getting on my nerves and had to stop.

So the primary objective of the morning meeting was to address our grievances. The stipulation was that everyone had to suppress their annoyance during the week taking note of infractions but conducting themselves accordingly. This proposal was successful because it taught them discipline. They also had a trusted outlet of communication which inspired self-control.

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