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Figments of Reality

I have Mental Illness. I was already diagnosed Bipolar. When I found out I had psychosis that was the last straw. My life was a mess. I had to take a good look at reality and it wasn’t good. I was a single mother with five kids. Living in a trailer in Klan country. Thanks to my biracial ex who was obsessed with being white. That was the closest I’ve ever been to Satan in my life. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since and have no plans to be.

I decided I was going to die and God was going to kill me. I told Him you’ve taken everything from me and now even my mind.

I had so much guilt over my kids I fully believed that my kids would be much better if I was dead and they were entrusted to more capable hands.

I told God I was going to die and He was going to kill me. He owned me that much.

I spent months crying and writing and praying. It was the worst period in my life. I had the born again experience. When I reached the end of that tunnel a part of me had died. Hate and anger, resentment. I had a new understanding.

John 12:25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

I am so tired of living in a plastic world where everyone has to be someone they’re not. And if they are someone they let you know it. The rich are distorting themselves with foreign substances.

Does that nice Kardashian girl honestly think her but looks real? It lacks that rounded quality. It looks just like it is…displaced fat. And these old women are all starting to look the same. I take it certain procedures are popular. I guess if the rich people are doing it it must be alright!

I just post whatever I feel like posting. My goal is to be as genuine as I can possibly be no matter how vulnerable I may feel sometimes.

I made the decision to just be myself. Swim upstream. Make some positive changes. I’ve had my blog about a year and I’ve decided to try to focus on using it more. I use positive self-talks but writing it down and reading it really helps more.

The funny thing with all the adversity around me I still have a profound peace.

It’s a chaotic time in a Trumpian Era. The world is on high alert.

At first, I was getting caught up in the fear and I had to look within myself and get my priorities straight.

I laid off the media and watched an interview of Trump. I liked what he said. Admitting he was all for torture was a little gruesome. After listening to what he had to say I think he genuinely believes he can help America. I think his hearts in the right place. He wasn’t combative even when the guy tried to bait him. I think I did see a twinge of the beginning of a detonation.

He’s combative, impulsive, emotionally charged to the point where he seems unstable and people are worried. It goes a lot smoother if the leader is calm.

He is really on the “Christian” theme so I’m just going to focus on that and pray for him.

I believe in predestination I see the big picture in all reality we are so minute. What we think are major decisions that will change the outcome of the world somehow just shows how wrapped up people are in themselves.

I mind my own business and keep to myself. I guess I can be dismissive.

 

41 comments on “Figments of Reality

  1. ~Matthew Heartsound says:

    Welcome and thank you for the visit to my blog…I look forward to the things you share and I loved the short scary story! 😉 May peace always be with you and yours…~Matthew

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much!

      I liked the short scary story also.

      I’m looking forward to your posts!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Kel of Duty says:

      Hi! Hold on.. I”m confused… I thought you updated your blog and I saw this: http://onesailonesea.com/2015/12/14/medicated-dreams-%E2%98%81%EF%B8%8F/comment-page-1/#comment-7 and I got directed to her medicated dream blog… but I don’t think I had subscribed/followed her before.. am I missing something?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have no idea where that might have come from I read it and I like the fact that she’s reaching out

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Kel of Duty says:

        You are right! Thank you for sharing. For someone so young, she is very brave!

        Liked by 1 person

    3. bosskely says:

      Hey! Thanks for following me on my old blog! i have moved 🙂

      http://www.mindofduty.wordpress.com

      http://www.bosskely.wordpress.com

      I blog on both depending on the topics… Happy new year!! ^_^ :))

      Liked by 1 person

  2. T says:

    Welcome! And thanks for sharing. I am looking forward to sharing and learning from one another.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Looking forward to reading your blog! Love anything psychology related!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Because I enjoy your blog so much, I have nominated it for the Liesbster Award. If you accept the nomination, I’m believing it helps increase your traffic. Here’s the link that explains how it works: https://perfectlyimperfect05.wordpress.com/2015/05/03/liebster-award-nomination/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!! I’m honored!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Josh Wrenn says:

    May your dog be playing and getting treats and everything else dog’s love to do in an alternate universe. The scary story was a bit too scary for me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Penelope says:

    Enjoyed your blog and look forward to future ones. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Congratulations on your new happy place on the internet! Lots of love and positivity coming your way ❤ ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you I appreciate that your attitude! Stay free!

      Like

  8. Bedlamite says:

    Thank you, your is great!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I loved the video you did for your dog. It made me cry…! I’m looking forward for some new entries!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. manyofus1980 says:

    Once upon a time…once upon a time, omg he is sooo cute! I cant see so didnt get to see your wonderful dog, but I have a guide dog, Nitro and I know how much joy they can bring to your life. Pets are amazing, pets and kids! Looking forward to reading your posts! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just realized you said you can’t see. I had read it, but that went totally over my head.

      I’m so sorry you can’t see. What happened? Thank God for your dog Nitro, though.

      I’m so glad you can get on WordPress! I bet you’re glad too

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Leslie says:

    Thanks for coming by and following my blog. I look forward to reading yours!

    Like

    1. It’s so nice to meet you. I like you and I really enjoyed your blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. amommasview says:

    I think that sounds great!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Great touching story and I love this layout. I wish you all the best! It’s amazing how the world has become much smaller with the internet and blogs…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Here is my post if you choose to participate 🙂
    http://gentlementalannie.com/2015/11/24/versatile-blogger-award/
    Annie ❤

    Like

    1. Good! I think of myself as versatile 🙂

      Like

  15. HI

    Thank you so much for finding my blog, liking a post and following me 🙂

    Like

    1. You’re welcome! I’m so glad I found you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. HI

    I have nominated you for the Blog Appreciation Post. You can find all the details here, if you want to participate

    https://itsgoodtobecrazysometimes.wordpress.com/2015/11/26/blog-appreciation-post/

    Like

    1. I really want to do it, but I’m not sure how! Do I just copy and paste your page to mine? Or something…

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I particularly appreciate the material you include on your webpage it truly has helped me out a lot thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad 🙂 Sometimes I wonder if anyone even listens to me lol

      Like

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