I have Mental Illness. I was already diagnosed Bipolar. When I found out I had psychosis that was the last straw. My life was a mess. I had to take a good look at reality and it wasn’t good. I was a single mother with five kids. Living in a trailer in Klan country. Thanks to my biracial ex who was obsessed with being white. That was the closest I’ve ever been to Satan in my life. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since and have no plans to be.
I decided I was going to die and God was going to kill me. I told Him you’ve taken everything from me and now even my mind.
I had so much guilt over my kids I fully believed that my kids would be much better if I was dead and they were entrusted to more capable hands.
I told God I was going to die and He was going to kill me. He owned me that much.
I spent months crying and writing and praying. It was the worst period in my life. I had the born again experience. When I reached the end of that tunnel a part of me had died. Hate and anger, resentment. I had a new understanding.
John 12:25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
I am so tired of living in a plastic world where everyone has to be someone they’re not. And if they are someone they let you know it. The rich are distorting themselves with foreign substances.
Does that nice Kardashian girl honestly think her but looks real? It lacks that rounded quality. It looks just like it is…displaced fat. And these old women are all starting to look the same. I take it certain procedures are popular. I guess if the rich people are doing it it must be alright!
I just post whatever I feel like posting. My goal is to be as genuine as I can possibly be no matter how vulnerable I may feel sometimes.
I made the decision to just be myself. Swim upstream. Make some positive changes. I’ve had my blog about a year and I’ve decided to try to focus on using it more. I use positive self-talks but writing it down and reading it really helps more.
The funny thing with all the adversity around me I still have a profound peace.
It’s a chaotic time in a Trumpian Era. The world is on high alert.
At first, I was getting caught up in the fear and I had to look within myself and get my priorities straight.
I laid off the media and watched an interview of Trump. I liked what he said. Admitting he was all for torture was a little gruesome. After listening to what he had to say I think he genuinely believes he can help America. I think his hearts in the right place. He wasn’t combative even when the guy tried to bait him. I think I did see a twinge of the beginning of a detonation.
He’s combative, impulsive, emotionally charged to the point where he seems unstable and people are worried. It goes a lot smoother if the leader is calm.
He is really on the “Christian” theme so I’m just going to focus on that and pray for him.
I believe in predestination I see the big picture in all reality we are so minute. What we think are major decisions that will change the outcome of the world somehow just shows how wrapped up people are in themselves.
I mind my own business and keep to myself. I guess I can be dismissive.